Nine hours and 40 minutes that someone else would get to hold her 10 pound body, wrapped up in a soft blanket. Nine hours and 40 minutes that someone else would get to watch my beautiful baby gaze around the room, grab at her toes, smile, drink from her bottle, and doze peacefully in and out of sleep throughout the day. It was a 20 minute drive to work, then eight hours on the clock with a one hour lunch break, then another 20 minutes back to get my baby. My stomach was in knots as I counted the hours until I'd see and hold my baby girl again. As wonderful as this amazing sitter was, I was instantly devastated that I couldn't be home with my tiny, precious, still-brand-new baby. Soon my face was soaked and I was full-on sobbing. The moment we sat down in our car and closed the car door my eyes filled with tears as we backed out of the driveway. It was time to turn around and walk out the door. My husband and I walked her inside, chatted for a few moments with the gentle, nurturing sitter we had hired, and that was that. On my first day back at work, I dressed my daughter in her most adorable outfit, bundled her up in her car seat, and toted her to the babysitter. I was thrilled that I had four months to stay home with her! I was able to find a wonderful woman who took care of a few children in her home, and arranged for her to care for my daughter when I went back to work. Several weeks later, I had my sweet baby. So I went about my business and allowed the cards to fall into place however they would. My husband was in grad school, so staying home wasn't really an option for me at that point anyway. Once you hold that baby in your arms, you're not going to want to leave her and go back to work." I thought, Meh… I'm sure it will all work out the way it's supposed to. I remember a co-worker of mine telling me with conviction, “Oh girl. I always figured I'd just find a preschool and continue working like I had always done. My pre-mom self didn't really think through how this all might change once I had a baby. I found fulfillment in sharpening my skills and becoming a “shining star" in my workplace. I had been working since I was 14 years old. Honestly, I hadn't really thought about it. Would I work? Would I stay home? Would I work from home? Would I pick up a part time gig? What would I do? When I got pregnant with my first bundle of joy I was surprised at how many people automatically asked me about my plans for when the baby arrived.
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